Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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