You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
