No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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