So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
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Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
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I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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