the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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