I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
