It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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