Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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