Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
