You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
