I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
