WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
