either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
