I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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