talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize