Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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