I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
