Well douche your snatch and let's go!
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
