He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
