Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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