Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
