you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
