I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
