the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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