i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
