So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
