I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
