I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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