i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
