found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Bang-toberfest begins!!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
