Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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