Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
