Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
