Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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