Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
