At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
