does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I have tasted many bathrooms
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
