apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
