tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's shark week go big or go home
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
