he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
