He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
