Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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