those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
