god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
