franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
