So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
