my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
