why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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