FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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