I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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