We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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