Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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