He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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