awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
How's work?
Spinning.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
