In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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