He uses pillows to masturbate.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
