I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
