I just gift wrapped bread.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
