Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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