i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
