Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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