I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
