I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
