We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
