I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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