Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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