i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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