dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
