his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
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You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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