she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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