Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
