Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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