Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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